Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Stream of Consciousness FTW

What I'm thinking about right now:

Twitter.  Blogging.  Will anyone other than my wonderful family members ever come to love my writing?  My intermediate fiction professor is crazy, and I'm not sure if he even knows where the class is going.  My phone just buzzed--something about He Is We merchandise (which would be great if I had money).  My headphones are in my ears but there's no music playing at the moment...maybe I'm just hoping it'll discourage people from talking to me.  Not that I'm antisocial, it's just one of those days.  There's a guy in two of my classes who's fun to talk to and also cute, but he's a year younger than me and he drinks coffee every day.  I don't like the smell of coffee.  I'm wearing my scarf, but it's getting too warm, so I should take it off.  I really should take it off.  The bell tower is playing our favorite "it's a new hour, everybody!" song, but I can cut corners by just looking at the time right on the computer screen.  The other day I was walking under a spruce tree and I wasn't paying attention and one of the branches grabbed my hair in a death grip.  Want to know how to entertain freshmen boys?  It's not hard, just throw in some jokes about sweat and tabasco sauce.  More like babysitting, really.  The person at the help desk just switched--somehow it reminds me of the changing of the guard, except these guys don't march and they talk to each other as one enters and the other exits.  "The help desk, this is Marissa.  Okay.  Um, I believe so.  It's the program, do you know?  Did they try getting into the program on their normal computers?  Mm-hmm.  Okay.  They can't even get into their portals, though?  Okay, hold on one second.  Yes, all students, right?"  People are walking and their feet make shuffling sounds on the carpet.  I have to come up with a crocheting project by 5:30 tonight, and I also have to hope that people will show up.  Maybe I should announce it on the ward's facebook page.


I have a headache.  If I leave soon, I can get a nap in before 5:30.  Or maybe a Psych episode.  Or both.  Someday I want to get married to the one person who's been looking for me for his whole life.  We'll meet. and both of us will exclaim, "Where have you been?!"  But we won't stay mad because we'll be so happy that we won't have to combat the world's various insanities alone ever again.  But I'm not really alone.  Heavenly Father is always with me, whether I really understand it or not.  Mostly, that depends on the day.  I have mission prep tonight, which means I get to learn more about preaching the gospel and being brave enough to strike up religious conversations with perfect strangers and all that good stuff.  I can't stand always having that one person in the back of my mind who won't leave and insists on inserting himself into many of the random thoughts I have throughout my days.  I don't know whether to be sad, angry, proud, insulted, relieved, or any combination of the above.  But that's neither here nor there.  Truth be told, there are a few of these people, and they seem to come and go as they please.  Some haven't been here for a while, and they become a welcome relief when they bring GOOD memories to contrast the bad ones.  But all in all, they're all just movies to play in my head when I have no way to distract myself.

Two more hours.  I should leave, but it is cold outside and I don't really feel like going anywhere at the moment.  I want to write a poem that can bring tears to the masses, and heal hearts all over the world.  That's all I really want to do with my life.

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