Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Here's a piece of my soul...do with it what you will.

I always wondered why there are so many sad songs about summer.  Summer should be a time for happiness and celebration.  And all that happiness shouldn't have to end just because leaves start changing colors (I always enjoyed autumn myself...).

But I suppose we all have to experience a little end-of-summer heartbreak at some point in our lives.  There's a sort of symmetry in the fact that neither long, hot, fun-filled months nor superficial romances ever last.  It's a sad sort of symmetry, the kind I'm sure nobody would mind doing away with.  At times like these one could waste time wondering why things like this happen (and I'm not saying that I haven't done that before...), but it's kind of interesting to look ahead and realize just how much we can learn from these experiences.  Life can be hard and sometimes strangely malicious, but things really do have a funny way of working out for the best.  I have to believe that, or my head might explode.

The only thing I can't get rid of or explain away is the disappointment.  You try to get away from it, but no food sounds appetizing...no movie looks entertaining...no friends are around to hang out with...your job gives you way too much time to agonize over things...and at night, you're too tired to sleep....  All you can do is keep tapping out these words and hope that one day will finally bring relief.

I finally found one of my writing notebooks (still shopping around for a laptop...) buried under all my bedroom-floor-junk, and I found some interesting things in it that I'd forgotten about until now.  I freewrite a lot--I feel like it helps untangle all my thoughts into something intelligible--and sometimes I hit on things that I never would have otherwise.

"I was put on this earth to do something big.  That's something I know more than anything else.  It's been frustrating trying to find a way to do it, but I know I'll find it someday.  The more crazy things I try to do, the better a chance I'll have to make history.  Someday somebody's going to be grateful that I was born."

"the burden of a writer
is to endlessly remember things
as though they were written on a page"

"It's at times like these--when I'm depressed even though I have every reason to be happy--that I know I need a good night's sleep and a new day.  College is hard, and not just mentally.  Sometimes it feels like every day is emotionally exhausting and there's no way to break out of the cycle.  Sometimes I wish my life was more like a Jane Austen novel--if my biggest worry was that someone was rude to me at dinner."

"God made beautiful things...He thinks I'm pretty!"

One page has a recipe for funnel cakes.

One last thing: if you've ever felt this way, I found a nice little story that seems to help.

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